It started when I could no longer do things that once came naturally.

I used to be able to sit and read books for hours. I could think deeply. I could stay fully present in a conversation. I could work on something hard without constantly switching to something else. I could sit quietly with my own thoughts.

Then, slowly, something changed.

I found I couldn't read more than a few pages. I kept feeling the urge to check my phone. I struggled to stay focused on work that mattered. Writing got harder. My thinking felt scattered. Even workouts got interrupted by the urge to reach for my phone. Conversations were harder to stay present in. Silence felt uncomfortable. Boredom felt unbearable. I always felt like I was missing something.

I thought it was a discipline problem. It wasn't.

For a long time I blamed myself. I assumed I'd lost my motivation, my willpower, my edge. But the harder I tried to force my way back through sheer effort, the more clearly I could see that effort wasn't the issue. Something underneath had shifted.

That sent me into a deep study of attention, distraction, technology, psychology, neuroscience, behavioral science, identity, habits, emotional regulation, purpose, and meaning. Books were the starting point of a much bigger search:

• Deep Work and Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
• Stolen Focus by Johann Hari
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
• Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza
• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

The deeper I went, the clearer it got: I didn't have a discipline problem, a motivation problem, or a productivity problem. I had an attention problem. And so do a lot of people who blame themselves for the same things.

Attention Science is where I write down that journey, and build the way back, in the open, for anyone who needs it.