Start an Attention Circle
Turn your private effort into a shared norm with two or three other people, which is the difference between a resolution and a change.
- Runs for
- 4 weeks, then ongoing
- Costs you
- One message today, 20 minutes a week
The problem
You've been trying to change alone, and alone is the hardest possible way. Willpower is private and fragile. Norms are shared and durable. A phone-free dinner works when the whole table does it and fails when one person tries.
The protocol
How to run it
- 1
Pick two or three people who have said something like 'I'm on my phone too much.' You already know who they are.
- 2
Send one message today. Say you're running an experiment for four weeks and ask if they'll do it with you. Don't oversell it.
- 3
Agree on one protocol you will all run. The same one. Different experiments make it a conversation instead of a circle.
- 4
Set a fixed weekly check-in: twenty minutes, same day, in person or on a call. Not a group chat, which just becomes another feed.
- 5
Each week everyone answers the same three questions: what did I run, what did I notice, what will I do next week.
- 6
Keep it small and keep it boring. Circles die of ambition, not of neglect.
What to expect
The first week feels slightly awkward and someone will forget. By week three the check-in is the thing that carries you on the days you don't feel like it, and you'll notice you're doing it for them as much as for yourself. That is the entire mechanism.
The thinking behind it
Stolen Focus: Your Attention Didn't Collapse, It Was Stolen16 min